my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
