People in love make me want to vomit
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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