So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
