you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
