First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
