So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
