Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
