sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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