Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
