I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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