I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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