i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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