O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
