got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
