She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
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Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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