Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
