Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
