meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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