Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
