i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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