When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize