Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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