I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
love makes seman taste better
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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