what day is it and did you see me today?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
