If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
