this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
50% drunk capacity currently
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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