I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
