She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
