YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
