my sisters under your porch take her home
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
