And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
