genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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