6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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