We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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