I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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