you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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