My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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