i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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