I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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