Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need water and some morals
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
