The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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