You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
