I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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