I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
