do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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