that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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