I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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