You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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