That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
