I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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