ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
