that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
