There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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