I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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