He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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