You're my little dorito
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.