Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.

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(724): soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices. http://tfl.nu/oyfa

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(240): View more from Maryland

she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

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(240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

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(252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME. http://tfl.nu/1mf6

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

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(503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already

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(508): I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already http://tfl.nu/v6oe

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(208): View more from Idaho

i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.

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(208): i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home. http://tfl.nu/7itp

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.

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(919): Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar. http://tfl.nu/xoz4

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.

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(603): A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you. http://tfl.nu/2hjp

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(562): View more from California

I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.

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(562): I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy. http://tfl.nu/l30m

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(310): View more from California

Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face

(310): View more from California

On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?

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(310): Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face (310): On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people? http://tfl.nu/ezwy

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(480): View more from Arizona

While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.

(602): View more from Arizona

What other scale is there?

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(480): While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale. (602): What other scale is there? http://tfl.nu/fdnh

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(970): View more from Colorado

Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.

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(970): Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack. http://tfl.nu/afhg

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.

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(248): I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom. http://tfl.nu/9ssn

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(812): View more from Indiana

Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.

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(812): Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down. http://tfl.nu/9hkg

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(425): View more from Washington

I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.

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(425): I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off. http://tfl.nu/u9dg

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