I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?