I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.