Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.