Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?