I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
