I like my sex mixed with concussions.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
