I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
