You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
A bitchslap is in order.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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