Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
