The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
