I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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