Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize