He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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