If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
