The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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