Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl

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(773): View more from Illinois

My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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(509): View more from Washington

He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.

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(540): View more from Virginia

It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.

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(+54): View more from

I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see

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